FUCK NEW YORK FOR A BATTERED MARS BAR!

I dont know why everything is underlined but i guess that just adds the the whole importance and clear epicness of our trip.
So to start off with...do you think there will ever be another trip like this one???

Ok, so lets begin anyway....I finished work monday night and skidded all the way to toms house in the blinding snow where it appears he has a lakai patch in his garden

This was the scene before we left for tesco. it took us four hours and a toilet break to get there.

At tesco Tom decided to get out the blank and see if snowboarding on a deck really worked and after spending our whole youth trying to do it, it finally did.

after we packed up on suplies of bread, sliced cheese, pork pies, ham with tesco kick and a big bottle of water we headed to the petrol station, checked where we were going, looked at the mess in the back of the car and then filled her up with sweet sweet recession petrol.

oh and then theres this little baby that we couldnt survive without! well we could but we're just lazy!

see you soon beautiful tesco

PORK! PUT IT IN A PIE! A PIIIIEEEE A PIIIEEEE! NOW SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THIS SACRED PASTRY AND PORK. SACRED PASTRY AND PORK.

FULL TANK! woop. my car was so happy and grateful for that gift of pure love that we had given that we had no troubles with it there or back :)

We drove for a while listenin to megatuuunez and then StupidNav took us through this "private industrial estate" which we couldnt get through because of this don mega barrier and padlock.

it was on a slope that made no noise at all....think about it

Then the stupidest cock of a security guard turned up...
"what are you doing"
"we're trying to get to cornwall, but my sat nav took us this way and we cant get through so how do we get out of here"
"this is solihull."
"...yes"
"well you cant come this way theres a barrier. this is a private industrial estate"
"yeah we know can you just show us the way out please and i'll sort it on my sat nav"
"you dont want to be using those they dont work. you should have stopped at the security office"
"we diddnt even realise, i was just following my satnav to get to cornwall and it took us this way instead"
"this is birmingham though"
"yeah.. we know. we need to get out of here to get to cornwall."
"if you follow me i can take you to the exit"
what and effort.
if he ever reads this (which im sure he wont cause he probably cant read) YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST MOST ANNOYING TWAT I HAVE EVER MET. i hope you crash your stupid little security car into your own twat face.

anyway we got bored and my arse needed to un-numb so just like lost style time-travel we flashed our way into the service station at somewhere with a weird name. clearly we have never time-travelled this extensively before so we freaked out.

we arrived safe though and everything was wet wet wet. we went inside for a wash, piss and generall "lets get untired" meeting.

We should have known that there was a reason for this compound to be empty. Me and Tom cant go anywhere without the undead spawning all over us.
This one was up on us quick but i was fast enough to get a snap of it and Tom whipped out the sawn-offs and got it with a headshot before it managed to sink its teeth into us.

ZOMBIE SLAYERS FO' LYYYYYFE.

We secured the compound after a brief skirmish and rescued the survivors. Tom was sad because there was no more slaughter.

When they make the film out of this event this is what it will be called...

We checked inside the compound to make sure there were no infected in there. luckily the few survivors had barricaded themselves pretty well and nothing was a miss. we stopped for a toilet break.

Inside, the survivors were so greatful for their rescue that they gave us free tea and let us rest for a brief while.
Enough supplies!

I had to re-adjust after getting a bit scruffy fighting Zack.

cause you gotta look good when you're covered in blood!

It felt creepy that it was so empty but at least there was less chance of infection this way.

Tom invented zombie radar out of a costa cup and wooden stick that unfortunatley we couldnt test cause their finally-dead brains were scattered all over the floor. and windows and tables and chairs and toilets and cars and kerbs...the list goes on.

but still, no time to relax. i was on the look out...

...whilst tom contemplated our next move

we cleaned up the place. it was only fair, and tidied it into this space-pelican.

we decided to push on rather than wait to be evacced with the rest of the service station survivors as our skills and services may be needed elsewhere.

A few hours of seeing nothing we decided to park up, rest and re-supply.
thats me under the pile of coats getting shut eye.

This was the time we set off again. it was only about half an hour after we had stopped

from fighting lots of undead we both had MUCKY FACES!

and a bloody mucky windscreen. i kept having to wipe it until we could fill up my squirties.

not far till we reach cornwall!

my tyres were white hot with the sheer amount of speed i had been using. i had driven pretty fast aswell.

i finally had enough light from a petrol station to do essential checks on the deathmash 5000 aka roverwaggon.

if it wasnt snowing we would have killed this sweet looking spot too!

we finally reached Bude in cornwall but it was looking like a typical scene from that playstation horror franchise.

We decided to wait till light and so chillaxed in the car at morrisons till it opened but the weather was looking bleak.

Again, hygene was the name of the game so we brushed our tizeeth.

After a nice bacon cob at big M's we carried on towards newquay on the nuff-icey roads. the spirit of a famous raleigh driver encapsulated me and we were off.
"SHARP TURN RIGHT, 40MPH"

However, Mr Blue Sky popped up and we had an epic moment listening to "the funeral" by band of horses.

This road, just like the rest of our lives, lay ahead of us and it was ours for the taking, ready to do what we wanted with it. but all we could think to do was drive so wasted chance really.

we stopped for a bit of a breather and to take in the lovely landscapes and ting.

and to also make our mark, obviously

after taking this picture i was bored

so i went to the car in three stages.

It always seems that no-one but me has confidence in my driving ability. clearly i am just too rad for them to appreciate it and theyre pussies for getting scared. i had it under mega control. FAST AND THE FURIOUS TRURO SNOW DRIFT!

More scenery.

Then came the best 15 minuites of our lives. We came across the most untouched hill of all time. White against a bright and sunny blue sky!
we had to leave our mark as big as we could and then do some rad snowboarding on it with a blank deck. just like in tesco carpark which seemed days ago.

However, there are no photos of this cause we were having too much fun. That much fun infact that i fell over and diddnt notice some mad ass broken glass in the snow which cut open my forearm and left shit loads of glass in it. Again there are no photos of this because now i was in blind panic at the glass shards in my arm.

There was only enough time to rep UK whilst i tried to sort car shit out.

We drove mad style to the nearest walk in center thing which was luckily in the direction we were headed (thank god SATNAV!)

more drifting ensued!

some half-racist buildermans. either that or they got their jackets made on msn.

even injured i managed to photograph.

i got there and the man set to work straight away on cleaning my wound

he diddnt bother with this one as it wasnt so bad and ting

this was his handywork. "keep this on for an hour and then wash it with warm water when you get chance"

We headed towards newquay and drove around for a while but couldnt find anywhere to stay although this hill looked sick to bomb. so we did. in the car...

Bored of newquay we used the speed from the hill bomb to carry us down to falmouth which was a much nicer place to be.
there were lots of boats and stuff.

and this was a nice house

We eventually found a fudgepackers hostel to stay in.. oh, no i mean backpackers hostel with a nice old lady and a dog. we had showers and set up to go out. hence me doing my hair in room number 2.

i then did a bit of drawing whilst we chilled out for a sec.

i diddnt bother taking my camera out with us as i know i'd lose it somewhere but you can trust us when we say that falmouth is like hucknall but nicer looking and less bagheads.when i say less bagheads i mean NO bagheads. but there was a seven stars pub and a wetherspoons and also a masons arms, all in the same square. we had a good night, finishing it off with some REALLY REALLY nice chips and a battered mars bar from a guy that looked like he could be the fat older brother of Brandon Biebel.
(p.s BATTERED MARS BARS ARE FUCKINNNNNGGGG AMMAZINGGGLY TASTY!!!!! TRY ONE IF YOU GET CHANCE!!!)
but we got back and we got into our nice comfy beds only to sleep for about a couple of hours before toms stupid alarm went off and we had to get up to check out of the place before we got charged for another day!

in the morning we did our best to get ourselves awake

we'd only been there one night aswell and even then we'd made a shocking mess!

but whilst we tidied up we did find a treasure map. but it just turned out to be a map of falmouth...

we went downstairs and had our brekkie

nice place!

then the ladys dog joined us for brekkie too and we had conversations about the weather and what we would be douing that day!

and do you know what we did?
we went to TESCO! woooop. it was only an express mind but it will do.

we then drove around to try and find free parking which we did in the end near this nice view.

it was then that i wished i lived in the house on the right.

we also drove past this on the way there too "Pikes hill" it was a good hill to bomb but had a blind runoff so it was the luck of the draw at the end as to if you got shanked by a car or not.

tom took this. i have no idea why. probably cause it has reference to naughty parts of the male anatomy.

also, the nice lady at the hostel gave us this umbrella to have. it was wicked. i felt like a proper gent and it even pops up by itself! shame i have no idea how an umbrella works clearly.

after failed attempts at trying to find a goo skate shop (although there was one that sold lakai and girl stuff it was let down by the fact it sold really really shit makes and had a lot more girls clothes than guys.)
we ventured to Mount Hawke skatepark which was down this one long road in the middle of nowhere through about fifty potholes that were nine million foot wide and the same deep but we eventually got there and managed to get a wee skatey in.

you cant really see the park here cause it was more round the corner but trust me it was actually REALLY good.

BUT our funw as cut short as about halfway through our warm up someone came and said that the road out was filling up with water and that if we wanted to leave that we should go now as it would only get worse. i went to inspect this road and after looking at it realised my car would NOT go through it without taking on 1000000000000000000000000 litres of water into my engine and basiclaly breaking leaving us stranded in cornwall indefinatly. at first they offered to let us stay overnight in the skatepark and then retracted that idea on the basis that they diddnt know when they would be back themselves so basically left us to it with some pairs of wellies that we fucked about with for a bit!

We finally formulated a plan and tom went to check out the depth. it only got deeper though!

and deeper!

Our plan??? it was amazing and one that took strength and courage. we taped up all air intake valves and made sure nothing travelled up the exhaust by sticking a plastic bag round it, we then got EVERYTHING IN THE CAR that was on the floor and made sure that it was as high up as possible. i opened my window, closed the door and took off the handbrake. then, we donned the wellies and PUSHED LIKE FUCK! it was the most intense thing in the world but we did it. we got balls deep wet with water and some had even managed to make its way into the car so we had a small puddle on the floor but that was no big deal. WE HAD MADE IT! and what was better was that the car had never sounded so good! it had worked. we are truly rad.

As well as being rad we were also wet. i took off my trousers which was an even harder task to do than the one we had just done.

the puddle. defeated.

i drove the rest of the way home in my boxers as it was actually quite comfortable.

tom got changed into joggers and lakais. a perfect combination

leg shots

tom lost my lens cap. i wasnt best pleased.
"whoops"

we then stopped at a service station, not through tiredness but through boredom. we got some red bulls and played a bit of big bucks hunting challenge and got recessioned by the grabber machines.
"oh dear!"

we eventually made it home but the adventure diddnt stop there., after seeing only rain and no snow on the drive back we were amazed that there was still snow and ice on toms street so we invested in a bit of skidding.

we got in about half 11 and basically did the regular things. uploaded pics, captured video and played skate2. we then went to sleep only to wake up to the same amount of snow that we left with. not letting up on the chance for more snow fun we set about making the best snowman ever.

ALL HAIL IRONSNOW!!!!

he's a bad motherfucker that will put you back in line if you try to melt on his business.

he needs a gun cause he's made out of snow.

and he's fucking huge. he's only kneeling down at the minuite.

if you were to get the 'lectric heaters out he'd stand up and freeze you to the spot. or shoot you. either one.

plus he's got eyes to see you with. he dont go snow-blind.

anyway there'l be some kind of video to come, i think tommy p's on it as we speak. its been a fuckin wicked week! better than i would have had for 500 of my own smackaroos. and i mean that seriously not just because i didnt get to go to NY. sorry guys but you really did miss out this time!
peace anyway hope you enjoyed!!!!
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